Happy Family Mealtimes Poem On Sale Now!
Having blogged for the last few years on how to create happy family mealtimes and reduce fussiness, I felt inspired to create a poem for parents which they can glance at from time to time for ideas on how to keep mealtimes calm…ish! The Happy Family Mealtimes poem is a fun and lighthearted summary of my holistic Happy Little Eaters’ philosophy and a positive starting point for anyone wishing to find a bit more calm at mealtimes.
I have had some fantastic feedback already from feeding experts, including Lucy Upton who is a specialist paediatric dietician at The Feeding Trust:
‘A wonderful light-hearted and cleverly crafted poem that, in moments of feeding stress, will gently remind parents of key elements for positive family mealtimes. It captures child feeding essentials including; respecting appetite and choice, division of responsibility, the importance of exposure (slowly), role modelling, positivity and not to forget...being kind to yourself as a parent.
I can’t wait to have a copy up in clinic’
Here’s a breakdown of each line in the poem which Lucy Upton has very kindly checked and verified for me!
‘Let’s listen to our tummies’
is about respecting a child’s ability to be able to regulate their own appetite and I don’t think many parents know about this, it was certainly news to me! Children are born with an in-built ability to understand when they are full, therefore we don’t need to ask or persuade our children to eat any more than they feel they can. Unfortunately, if we interfere too much with what we think our kids ‘should’ eat, self-regulation can be overridden, which can have implications for their future relationship with food, and weight. I know this is of course easier said than done!
‘Offer up new and favourite dishes’
is about remembering to offer both familiar and unfamiliar foods and not to fall into the habit of always offering food your child likes, as they will soon get bored of that! One way of offering up new dishes without your child freaking out, is to offer at least one component on the table that is familiar to your child so the pressure is off to try everything on their plate. For example, if your child isn’t keen on fish, offer it with a side dish he does like such as chips or mash or offer bolognaise sauce separately so they have the option to add it if they wish.
It is worth saving the ‘new’ dishes at a time when you can eat with them, so even if your child doesn’t try the new food, they can see you eating it, which is all great exposure.
‘Try a ‘mouse’ portion together’
is a cute little phrase to highlight that if your child is feeling unsure about trying new food, they may be receptive to having a tiny portion. I believe that the less we say at the table regarding trying food and what they have/haven’t eaten is the way forward, BUT if your child is in a playful mood, this phrase could be useful. And by saying ‘let’s’, you are taking the focus away from your child and it becomes more about the family, not just one person. Provide the tiniest ‘mouse’ portion of unfamiliar food and try or explore it (what shape, colour, texture is it?) together or if your child is not keen, you can still do it!
‘And respect each other’s wishes’
is all about learning to trust your child when they are full or hungry as in the first line of the poem, but also remaining calm if your child rejects any of the foods offered at a mealtime (new or familiar). It is worth reading about the Division Of Responsibility by Ellyn Satter. Her approach to mealtimes is about the parent providing ‘what’ food they are going to make and ‘when’, and then for the child to decide ‘how much’ they will eat and ‘what’. A handy little phrase is ‘you provide, they decide’ and I keep this in mind a lot at mealtimes!
‘It’s ok not to feel hungry’
Did you know that it is very common for a child to eat a lot of food one day, then very little the next? They may have a large breakfast, a small lunch and very little for tea for example. When I learnt this from my paediatric dietitian, it was a big weight off my shoulders as my son never really eats much at teatime and I had assumed he was being fussy! So, when my son refuses to eat not much more than a couple of spoonfuls, I leave it. I never ask him to eat ‘two more bites’ as he knows in himself when he’s had enough to eat. Appetite regulation can also be affected by things such as periods of growth or illness too.
I was advised that if I was at all concerned about my children’s food intake, to keep a diary for a week and judge what they have eaten over this time rather than one meal or day and I still do this now.
‘And not to try everything new’
I feel as parents, we can sometimes get so fixated on one particular meal and our child trying everything on their plate, that we need to take a step back and remind ourselves that our child might not always be in the mood, and neither am I at times! If your child doesn’t touch their vegetables at one meal, (or several!) that is ok. I very rarely expect my children to eat new food at first sight. It may be that you have been serving up vegetables for quite some time now and they haven’t tried any of them, but I say still keep going as you never know! Research also shows that children can often require 10-15 (or more!) exposure to a food to support acceptance. You may see change once you have a broader idea of mealtimes now reading this poem. A great way to take the pressure off at mealtimes is to make it clear they don’t need to eat the new food and can always sniff it, lick it, squidge it (a favourite in my household) or spit it out. I love focusing on the senses and not just making it about the actual eating, as it could be a step too far at these early stages.
It’s ok to say ‘I don’t like it –yet’
I love this phrase I really do. I think pretty much all kids have said ‘yuk I don’t like it!’ at some stage to something new, but I try and say that instead of being rude to food (tee hee), let’s say ‘we don’t like it – yet’. What this phrase does is leave them open to trying an unfamiliar food more than once as it takes more than one attempt to maybe like it. I have seen this simple phrase work wonders in my workshops at schools where kids had given up on vegetables as they had tried it before and they would never like it.
‘And that perfect mealtimes are few!’
This really is true for ALL families, regardless of what we see on Fakebook! Once we lower expectations on ourselves on how mealtimes ‘should’ be, we may see more progress. Children are not mini adults and are going to refuse certain meals and act out, but hopefully it helps to know we are not alone.
‘Let’s focus on the long-term’
It is very easy to get fixated on one particular meal as mentioned above and what we want to achieve, but if we stop putting all our hopes into just one meal and see mealtimes as a journey, we start to feel less frustrated. Our kids won’t always eat what we would like them to, but that is ok. I remember reading a book on weaning and reading something along the lines of having to get your child to try most tastes by the age of 1 and it brought on so much stress for me. Yes, it is good to expose our kids to as many tastes as possible in the first few years of their lives, but not at the cost of it bringing so much angst. We. Have. Time.
‘With small steps one by one’
We don’t need to solve or mend ‘fussy eating’ straightaway. When we give ourselves permission to take each day at a time and actually realise how far your child has come from the weaning days, you may start to reframe how you see mealtimes and celebrate the smaller wins rather than expecting to have a super foodie eater by the age of 5 – that is just not possible for many kids!
‘Together we are learning’
I have used ‘we’ as the whole family are learning on this food journey together. Your child is slowly learning how to deal with new tastes and textures and you, as the parent, (as no two children are the same!) are learning what works for your child and the pace you can go at. I have two very different children; one who will eat most food and not even look down at her spoon to pick out every single ingredient (!) and the other who is more cautious, weary and fairly stubborn! We are all learning but what I am doing is taking them through the same approach, but just at different speeds.
‘So let’s keep our mealtimes fun’
An obvious point but often a forgotten one! When we preoccupy ourselves less with how much exactly our child is eating and what, we realise there is so much more to mealtimes than just food. Ok, we all want our kids well-fed and nourished, but as mentioned above, our kids will get there on their own, we are merely the facilitators! Mealtimes are also about being together as a family (that doesn’t have to mean you need to eat together every day) talking about your day, planning the meal for the week ahead and just taking time out from the busyness of life. When I focus on this aspect of mealtimes, I scrutinise far less on what and how much my children have eaten and, as a result, the whole mealtime thing is more enjoyable.
Children also cleverly interpret and pick up when parents are stressed or anxious (even if you are trying to put on a brave face) - which in turn can increase their levels of stress and anxiety at mealtimes. Problematically biology can kick in here too, with a ‘fight or flight’ stress response being associated with mealtimes, and the outcome of this….food refusal!
If you have read this far, then thank you! I am extremely passionate about family mealtimes (if you haven’t already noticed!) and I would love to spread this message and my poem as far wide as possible!
Grace